I saw this grumpy cat image on a friends Facebook timeline this morning along with the comment "be the change", but what does 'be the change' mean when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place? There is nothing more difficult than trying to make a decision about what needs to be done than when you are feeling lost, drowning in grief or clinically depressed. Pushing yourself to change whatever it is you don't know needs to be changed when suffering from emotional distress only leads to more emotional distress. When you're stuck, you're stuck and the more stressed energy you put into getting unstuck, the greater the feeling of what stuck means will manifest. It sucks to have to accept the unacceptable. It's damned annoying to have to put up with what you never ever wanted to happen to you. The worst is there is no one around who you can depend on to help you in the way that only you know how to. Those who try to help cannot give you what you need or want, no matter how much they do or don't seem to try. Such is the weirdness of feeling loss, grief, depression. It's like you're all alone in the darkness of your mind, waiting for the light to filter in and even though every morning brings the daylight, it's just another bloody day that you feel you could do without. So what can be done when stuck between change and the way things are? Cry your blooming eyes out, that's what. Do whatever it legally takes to let the anger out and the humility in. Change is all about taking control of your own life and this cannot happen when trapped by loss, grief and particularly depression if it is of the clinical kind. Nothing is as simple as it seems and the darkness hurts so much, yet when the change clicks in and seemingly all of its own accord, you will feel like a weight has been lifted, morning has sprung, something inside of your brain has shifted, a spark is emerging from your eyes. This is because the things you don't like are all in your mind. They are all of the things you don't want, don't deserve, should not be entitled to, despite being related to decisions you helped to enable.
One way to begin thinking about getting out of the dark is to find that key message that plays over and over again in our minds eye, during our most toughest of times. The message may be "deny" or "not good enough" or "not allowed" or.. whatever it is you know you "feel" just at that crucial moment of actually getting to do whatever it is that you need or want to do to move forward with your life. You might want to accept the difference, but that damn message isn't going to let you, and this is called a distal force. A force from yesterday when you were dependent on others for your survival. The message that you accepted from your 'carers' as being vital for your survival.
There are two things I don't like, change and the way the things are and they have nothing to do with stepping outside of a comfort zone. Rather those things have everything to do with being outside of the comfort zone already and wanting to get back in. © Chris Tyne 19/02/2016
One way to begin thinking about getting out of the dark is to find that key message that plays over and over again in our minds eye, during our most toughest of times. The message may be "deny" or "not good enough" or "not allowed" or.. whatever it is you know you "feel" just at that crucial moment of actually getting to do whatever it is that you need or want to do to move forward with your life. You might want to accept the difference, but that damn message isn't going to let you, and this is called a distal force. A force from yesterday when you were dependent on others for your survival. The message that you accepted from your 'carers' as being vital for your survival.
There are two things I don't like, change and the way the things are and they have nothing to do with stepping outside of a comfort zone. Rather those things have everything to do with being outside of the comfort zone already and wanting to get back in. © Chris Tyne 19/02/2016
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